Actions Speak Volumes

I took my mom to her pre-op appointment today at the hospital and I sat in the lobby waiting for her, listening to the piano that played by itself and the automatic door opening and closing for an hour and a half.  I actually knew some of the tunes the piano was playing, so I hummed along.  I did notice something, in between watching all of the people come and go.  A nurse went up to an elderly lady and told her it would be awhile yet before her husband would be done with his appointment.  The lady smiled and graciously thanked the nurse and said a few other polite words I couldn't hear.  I thought about that for a minute and realize that most, not all, but most elderly people have etiquette down pat.  They are appreciative, graceful and kind.  Here the nurse was telling her that she would have to wait even longer, and instead of complaining about it, she smiled graciously and thanked her.  I thought that was very cool.  I hope when my generation gets to be that age, that we will be as kind and appreciative as this lady.

That really struck me, probably because of something my father said to me a few weeks ago.  It was after my mom was in the hospital and we were re-telling our adventure to a neighbor and my dad said, "Sharon, you were really mean to that doctor."  I was pretty surprised by that remark and asked what he meant.  He said that he just thought I was a little mean to the doctor that was in my mom's room for nothing.  In defense, I said, "Dad, he couldn't answer any of our questions, he's not our doctor and I didn't know why he was even visiting mom.  I asked him 'why are you even here?'"  Maybe I was being a bit sarcastic, but I really didn't see his purpose.  He waltzed into the room, telling us he was a "hospitalist" and came to check on my mom.  Well, we had a lot of questions for him, but he couldn't answer a one.  That's why I got beligerent. 

I was shocked by my dad's statement, partly because he is one of the meanest men I've ever known, and partly because I felt I was in the right.  Also, if my dad thought I was being mean, then I really must have been, coming from the King of Mean.  After thinking more about it and after seeing the lady at the hospital today, I realize I wasn't in the right.  Sometimes it's just better to shut up and not say anything at all, like my mom.  She smiles and says nothing which has always driven me crazy, but the more I see life, the more I understand her position.  It's not always necessary to speak one's opinion.  It's not always necessary to give your advice.  And it's not always necessary to tell how you feel about something.  After all, if I look at a newborn baby and it's a homely baby, I definitely wouldn't say that - I would say something kind to the parents, like "Oh, what a nice baby!"  Who wants to hear that their baby is homely??

In the same sense, something I really need to learn is how and when to give my opinion, my advice and explain how I feel.  Being a product from the 60's and 70's, and being in a mental hospital where we had group therapy every day, I learned how to speak my mind at an early age; and now I need to unlearn some of that at an older age.  There's a lot of good in speaking one's opinion, in debate, in discussions, in this Blog and all of that, but what I have yet to accomplish is getting the timing right.  Timing is everything they say, and boy, is that ever true.

So a little elderly lady taught me a valuable lesson today and she will never know it.  A perfect example that sometimes your actions speak louder than your words.