Sometimes I Just Have to Whine

Last night, I spoke for a couple of hours to a friend who I had lost contact with about 30 years ago.  It was great to talk with her again and we laughed just like we used to.  I knew Cheryl when I was pregnant with Leah and our kids played together when we lived on Simpson Street in Madison.  She and Melody were with me in the hospital when I gave birth to Leah.  I'll never forget their faces when I asked them how the baby was after she was born.  They both tried their best to cover up the truth that Leah was not breathing when she was born, so she was blue, and there was a possibility that she would have brain damage.  I kept passing out between contractions and when the doctor figured out that her shoulders were stuck, he called in a specialist to pull her out.  The specialist came in and I remember him saying, "We have to get this baby out of here right now."  And so they did.  And because I was in so much pain I kept passing out between contractions, I didn't see them whisk her away to the infant ICU.  Cheryl and Melody did - they told me much later that she was blue and that it was best that I didn't see her.  My doctor actually apologized to me while wheeling me to the recovery room.  I asked my pastor to come to the hospital and pray for her and he did.  He prayed for her through the incubator, while all the nurses watched.  I believe Leah was healed that day because of the power of prayer.  It was great to hear from Cheryl again, and hopefully we will keep in contact.  Friendships are very important to me and those I have been particularly close to, I hope to keep in contact with for many years to come.  

I was awoken early this morning, around 3 am, by my dad letting out a blood-curdling scream I have never heard before. I was in a deep sleep and I immediately jumped out of bed and ran out in the den and asked him if he was ok. He said yes, and kept apologizing for waking me up. He said that he must have had a nightmare but he didn't remember what it was. This bothered me all day.  It was an awful scream, and coming from my dad is even more bizarre since he is so self-controlled. 

Church was good this morning.  Pastor Dagan has so much exhuberance and zeal, he makes me tired just watching him.  At the end of the service, he is always sweating through his shirt even though the air conditioning works fine in the building.  I remember when I had that much zeal - well, maybe not as much as him, but more than I do now.  I've thought a lot about why I don't do the things I used to do in church or at home, and I realize that I am in constant pain and that prohibits me to do much of anything anymore.  I'm even on stronger drugs the last two weeks and it doesn't do a whole lot - it doesn't even take the edge off, but it does make me even more tired than I already am.  I get tired of talking about it, thinking about it and explaining to others why I am not able to do the things I used to.  The bottom line is that if you don't experience this for yourself, there's no way for another person to understand.  The only time I am not in pain is when I'm in the pool, or in deep sleep.  Otherwise, it's constant, no matter what position I'm in.  Ok, enough complaining.  Sometimes I just have to whine.

Danny came over today and helped me (well, he did it all - I didn't do any of it) move the furniture around in my room.  There is a huge bed that was in the middle of the room, so now it's pushed up against the wall and a few things were taken out.  I shipped my tv and vcr/dvd player down here and they should be arriving this week, so I can go in my room to work on my computer and watch tv, and hopefully my mom will sit out in the den more with my dad.  She said something to me the other day that was kind of weird.  I asked her if my dad had breakfast yet and she said, "No, he wanted to wait and eat with you (me)."  That made me slightly uncomfortable and I think it made my mom feel a little bad too.  Maybe it's because I don't critique everything he puts in his mouth and she does.  Oh well, I know how he feels.  I moved my chair at the kitchen table because I don't want to face her when I'm eating, so now I'm sitting on the side and can watch tv instead.  So now I deliberately don't see the looks and I can't hear the sighs of what I'm eating because the tv is always blaring.  She's gone to sleep by now, so I think I'll go and get an ice cream cone to enjoy in utter peace and quiet...