Any time you are dealing with a person who has dementia and can't remember, relates wrong information, can't hear and is generally lost, and another person who is mentally fine but physically a wreck and has a bad attitude, you should use much patience and love. Well, I have the love down, but the patience - not so much. My mother drove me to the brink this morning when I had to take her to the doctor. She told me to go to "the place where the young man parks your car," and I asked at the hospital and she said yes. So I proceeded to go to the hospital. "No, no she said - where are you going?" I said, "I was going to the hospital, just like you said." "Well, the clinic is owned by the hospital (blah, blah, blah), but we have to go this way." It started to escalate at this point. I said, "Mom, I asked you if it's by the nursing home and you said no," and so on and so forth. "Oh honey, I get so turned around and a little confused." Come to find out it is by the nursing home, so I had to make a u-turn and go the opposite direction.
In the doctor's office, she couldn't hear what the nurse was saying and gave weird answers to their questions that I had to keep correcting. I felt sorry for her in there - she was completely lost. So the doctor determined that she has to be on the antibiotic for 2 weeks, and so from there we schlepped up to the hospital because they can't administer the medicine in his office. On the way, she kept telling me when to turn, where to go and when to stop. Finally, I just told her she was a terrible back street driver and she stopped, after doing it once more. Kind of like one of my kids who always had to get the last word in.
She, in fact, is acting almost childish. I guess that's the dementia in part - and partly, I think she's really enjoying the attention. Which is fine, because I don't think she got a lot as a child. Being the older sister, she always had to look after my aunt because my grandmother had to work - her husband died when my mom and aunt were young. My great-grandmother lived in the apartment too, however, she didn't speak any English. My mother always knew what she was saying though, because she spoke Yiddish and used a lot of hand gestures. Jews use a lot of hand gestures. She sounds like she was a cute, little old lady. Her fragile, little gold earrings were handed down to me and I will eventually give them to my daughter.
I think my mom has been a very depressed woman for a long time and I have never seen her laugh a real, hearty laugh. She laughs quietly or silently or chuckles. My brothers and I get our laugh-out-loud laughs from my father. He has always had hearty, belly laughs and we inherited that from him. I love to laugh - a real belly laugh. It makes me feel great and it's an incredible stress reliever. That's what I need right now -- a big, belly laugh. I think I'm just tired, because I've been kind of ornery all day. The atmosphere around here has changed since my mom came home and I just have to get used to it. Spending more time in the pool will help, as well as this little vacation I am about to embark on. And I really, really need to ignore my mom's passive-aggressive comments so I don't blurt something out in anger. In any case, tomorrow is always a new day and one where we can change what we didn't like about today. Thank God.
I saw the following in the newspaper today and thought it was funny. It doesn't take much to entertain me....
New Texting Codes
For late life texters, these are some new texting codes you might need:
ATD: at the doctor
BFF: best friend fell
BTW: bring the wheelchair
BYOT: bring your own teeth
FWIW: forgot where I was
GGPML: gotta go, pacemaker low
GHA: got heartburn again
IHO: is my hearing aid on?
LMDO: laughing my dentures out
OMMR: on my massage recliner
ROFLACGU: rolling on floor laughing and can't get up (my personal favorite)
TTYL: talk to you louder
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