The Other Biggest Regret

I sat and listened to Micah preach this morning and I realized how proud I am of him, and how proud I am of all three of my children.  They grew up to be successful, loving and driven people who live for God - the most important thing.  Of all the qualities I could have impressed upon them, the most important is a life that is committed to Jesus Christ.  Everything else pales in its sight.  And then I noticed a young mom with her children and I smiled because I remember and miss those days.  It was then that I realized that the other biggest regret I have is how I raised my kids.

I've made a lot of poor choices in my life, but having my three children was not one of them.  And because their father wasn't willing or able to be a father, I was forced to raise my children alone.  I was both mom and dad to them, which I believe is one of the hardest jobs in the world.  It's nearly impossible to be both mom and dad to children - that is, if you want to do a good job.  I always wanted to do a good job; I wanted to be a good and loving mom, and yet I feel that I fell short.  My regret is that I wasn't loving and nurturing enough; that I was too harsh and used discipline far too often.  You have to discipline your children or they turn out to be obnoxious and unruly people, but the key is to do it with love.  I did it most of the time out of frustration and anger.  I regret that.  I wish I would have been more patient and loving. 

There is no doubt that I love my children with all my heart.  But there are a great deal of ways I could have raised them differently and shown my love more.  I blame myself only for that.  I always second-guessed my decisions and wondered if what I was doing was right.  There are no books or manuals that can tell you how to raise children.  You just have to do it, pray and hope you did the right thing.  And trust God.  God is the definitive factor.  Without Him, my children and I would not be where we are today. 

And so I want to publicly apologize to my children for all the mistakes I made while raising them.  I wish I could go back in time and re-do everything I feel I did wrong, but obviously, I can't.  At the time, I felt I did the best I could with what I had, but hindsight tells me differently.  But then I wonder if other parents feel the same way I do, and my guess would be that there are plenty who do.  If we really examine ourselves truthfully, we find that we have many regrets in our lives and wish we could have done things differently in one way or the other. 

Regrets are okay, though.  They're not great, but they're okay.  They show us that we're not perfect, nor will we ever be.  And that's, well, okay.