There was a person once who hurt me very much, for a long time, and I became very bitter toward him, and eventually that turned into hate. I had so much hate toward him, that I probably could have killed him if he hurt me any more. I knew my feelings were detrimental to my self and my soul, and I prayed and asked God to help me forgive this person over and over again for years. I still remember the day I finally forgave him. There was no fanfare, no shouting, just the quiet, still voice of God leading me and I suddenly realized that I no longer hated him. I realized that all the hate and bitterness finally left and it felt like a million pounds was lifted off of me. Years later, the forgiveness actually turned into love and that was even more of a miracle. I believe true forgiveness is a miracle - it's not something we have the ability to do on our own. We need God's spirit to help us, and that, to me, is a miracle.
Aside from Jesus dying on the cross for us and forgiving our sins, which is truly the ultimate act of forgiveness, I experienced a much more personal experience first-hand, of what love and forgiveness was truly about. I knew a woman who experienced sexual abuse as a child, from her father. When I first met her, I remember her asking me why God would allow this to happen to her. The only answer I could think of to come up with was that God gives us all free will to choose to do right or wrong and unfortunately, her father chose something that was horribly wrong that affected her. I know it wasn't the answer she was looking for, but we formed a friendship out of our many conversations. When this happened to her, she had no one to turn to for comfort and no one came to her side. I guess the few people that did know what happened to her, just didn't know what to say and so they avoided her entirely. While that is a really stupid response, I understand their fear. We just need to force ourselves to leave our comfort zones at times to "minister" to others. In some cases, it's a matter of life or death.
This woman grew up to be a beautiful woman, inside and out. She taught me many things about love and relationships, and most of all, forgiveness. When her father layed dying, she went to his side and stayed with him until he passed away. I was there too. I saw how she stroked his hair and his arm, singing to him songs about Jesus and telling him it was ok, that he could let go and that God would be there to meet him. She cried and sang and stroked the hair of a man who hurt her beyond words can describe. My eyes well up now, after all these years, because I still can't believe what I saw and I will never forget it. Here was the epitomy of forgiveness - God's forgiveness.
Forgiveness crosses churches, religions, faiths and cultures. It's even essential for people who are athiests - it affects us all. I would say that if you ever meet an old person who is mean or bitter, if you look into their past, there is someone or something along the way whom they chose not to forgive. Because unforgiveness leads to bitterness. And bitterness leads to hate. And hate can lead to all things negative and evil. But it doesn't only affect old people. Young people can experience this as well. That's why it's so important to guard ourselves from unforgiveness - that is, if we want to lead fulfilling and satisfying lives.
Why should I forgive others? It doesn't condone what the person has done. But what it does is free ME from holding onto grudges, bitterness and attitude toward the person who offended me. Why should I hold onto something that they probably haven't thought twice about? So really then, forgiving others helps me in so many ways. It's really pretty simple, but decidedly hard to do.
So, the bottom line for me is that I try not to be offended by others in the first place. You know, the older you get, the less you care what others think about you anyway. And if someone does actually offend me, I try to "talk myself down" or ask God to help me with this and before I know it, I don't even remember what happened. Getting old really is a blessing! I can definitely keep a secret - my memory is so short I don't remember what you told me this morning...
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