Emotions

My mom called this morning,  She's in a great deal of pain and now she has bed sores.  I called her primary doctor and asked him if he would increase her pain meds and let him know about the bed sores.  I guess that's par for the course, but it infuriated my dad - he was so angry, I thought he was going to cry.  But I haven't seen him cry since my Papa died in 1975.  He just doesn't cry.  But he gets angry - his anger shows his emotions, both sad and angry.  Emotions are strange.  When I get really angry or furious - I begin to cry.  That seems like a strange response, but perhaps they're closely related.  I remember one time that I was so happy and thankful, I actully started crying.  Humans are so intricately made, that just examining our emotions, besides the complexity of our bodies, makes me wonder why anyone in their right mind would believe in evolution.  It doesn't make sense, and as Judge Judy says, "If it doesn't make sense, it's not true."

I love Judge Judy!  I miss watching her, but she's on around the time I'm either in the pool or visiting my mom.  She says it like it is - sometimes too harshly - but nails it right on the head.  Another judge show that I like watching is Judge Marilyn Milian.  She is younger than Judy, but she makes it plain as well.  My favorite quote that she says is, "Quit whining (or grow up) and get your big boy pants on."  I love that quote!  I can't wait to use it!

I burnt the grilled cheese sandwiches I made for lunch today.  I put them in a small pan and the margarine I use is DIET, so it doesn't melt good like genuine butter or margarine.  And so they burnt and stuck to the pan and I had to do it all over.  I asked my dad if he would eat them like that and he said, "Uh, probably not." So I told him I'd make another batch.  I pulled the onions and tomatoes out of each to put on the new sandwiches and turned the fan on to get rid of all the smoke.  What a mess.

The pool water was really warm today - it was a maCHia.  (Remember, it's like the sound before you spit.)  My mother would say that the pool was like "pish water."  Pish is another Yiddish word for pee.  So the question is, did my mother ever FEEL pee pee?  I don't know, but I grew up with her saying that when the water for our bath was nice and warm.  I think it was just another one of those phrases passed down through Jewish mother generations, however, I don't remember if I ever used it myself.

It may seem that I make fun of my Jewish heritage, but I'm really not.  I appreciate it more now than I did when I was younger, for sure.  In fact, when I was a kid, I would lie and tell people that I was half Christian because that seemed better to me than being a whole Jew.  I would tell them that my father was Jewish (because of my name - Schwartz), but my mother was a Christian.  In fact, I was embarrassed about my heritage until I became an adult, and even sometimes now I get a little uncomfortable if the topic is brought up around non-Jews, or "Gentiles," as Jews call them.  I just think now that it is such a rich heritage and hilarious vocabulary, that it's worth writing about.  I get a kick out of hearing from my dad who is Jewish.  I enjoy all the memories of my childhood and remembering my grandma Esther as the typical, cariacature of the Jewish mother.  She was illiterate from Russia, and spoke backwards:  "Grandma, how do you feel today?"  "Oy, such a pain in the neck you should have."  Unfortunately, I didn't appreciate it growing up, but I'm learning how to appreciate it more today.   I think that can be said about most of us.  We don't fully appreciate our upbringing or parents or heritage until we get older.  I'm really thankful that I have this chance to be with my parents now when they need me, as it wasn't always this way.  I'm embarrassed to say that I haven't been the daughter to them I should have been all these years.  Perhaps now I can somehow make it up to them...