For the most part, my dad says he likes my cooking, which I am grateful for because he can be a very picky eater. Quietly, I think this hurts my mom, which I feel equally as bad for. And because my mom has always been a very passive-aggressive person, things come out of her mouth that prove what is in her heart in an indirect sort of way. But the other night was different - and odd, for sure, when I couldn't figure out the recipe on something and she stood in the kitchen and said in a sing-songy way, "She can't figure out what she's dooooinggg, na na na na na na...." I pretended like I ignored it because I'm sure it was the dementia talking. It felt weird coming from my mother, not another kid in third grade. And so every time my dad compliments me on dinner, I cringe and feel embarrassed for my mom. What a position to be in. Frankly, I don't know how he can taste anything with all the BBQ sauce he dumps on his food. Because of that, I really shouldn't take it as a compliment...
Little by little, my mom seems to be creeping into the dark hole of dementia. It bothers me a lot because I remember her mother not remembering who she was toward the end of her life. She had Alzheimer's and I don't have a clue what the difference is between that and Dementia, but it can't be that big of a difference. I don't think I could handle it if my mom gradually didn't know who I was. I'm getting teary-eyed just writing about it. My mom and I have had a rocky relationship as long as I can remember, but the older I get, the more I love her. In some ways, I feel like being down here helping them is my "pentance" for the way I've treated them when I was younger, especially in my teenage years. At dinner one night, my mom was describing to my dad and I that when I was in the "hospital" she would come 3 times a week to do my laundry and she would see me behind locked doors but couldn't talk to me because of the rules. She would have to drive a long way home (we lived on the north side and the hospital was on the south side) and it wasn't until she got into her bedroom and sat on her bed, that she would cry. I didn't know that - how could I have known that? And being the self-centered teenager that I was, I never bothered to ask her how she was doing.
That leads me to something that I find repulsive and arrogant and usually comes from young women, as well as teenage girls. I understand it for the most part from teenagers, but not from young (or older) women. I cruise through Facebook almost daily and every now and then I read a comment made by the person whose profile it is, that someone just told her she was pretty, or talented or whatever it is that exalts herself. That really bugs me. Not just because the Bible says, "Let another praise ye," but aren't we supposed to outgrow that self-centeredness in adulthood? Well, I think so. Another thing that bugs me, as long as I am on the subject, are those folks who feel the need to "preach" to other folks. Telling others how to live, what to do and what not to do, condemning others and bringing all sorts of drama on there which, I think, is totally inappropriate. I don't understand either way of thinking and when I don't understand something, it bugs me. I'm tempted to disconnect my account and be done with it, but for some reason, I haven't done that. I guess I'm nosy and I like to see what others are up to, their pictures and keeping in contact with long, lost friends. So I guess I'll be on there yet awhile and try to be more tolerant of those who get on my nerves. A lesson in tolerance, I guess. Lord knows I need lots of lessons on different topics...
So I'm leaving today for Madison for 12 days and looking forward to seeing my grandchildren and children. I think I have an appointment every day I'm there, so I will be kept busy. My favorite part is sleeping with Ashanti and feeling her little toes and knees banging against me as she tosses and turns. She takes after me in that respect, as I am a very restless sleeper. But you know, I was told that people who toss and turn in their sleep are highly creative, artistic and brilliant individuals.
Ha - just kidding..... :)
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