Sometimes I laugh at my mom because she can actually be funny. Several months ago, around 10:30 pm, my mom and I were watching the news. Suddenly, my father came hobbling in with the intention of putting my mom to bed. He didn't ask her; he just assumed she was ready for bed and he was coming to "tuck her in" and give her a goodnight kiss. So he comes in, goes over to my mother and proceeds to help her out of the wheelchair, while my mom says nothing. I watch this because it's sweet after all these years, even though my dad is telling her to, "Hurry up and get your legs into the bed; c'mon, hurry up." My mom complies, lies down and my dad covers her up and gives her a kiss. He says goodnight to both of us and retreats back to his office, at which time, my mom gets up and sits back up in the chair. Like it was a routine they do every night, except my dad doesn't know that she doesn't actually go to bed when he tucks her in. I thought that was so funny and cute. My mom let him feel like he was doing something needful and responsible, meanwhile she gets back out of the bed to continue watching the news, because she wasn't ready to go to sleep yet. She catches and understands more than I give her credit for. Ashanti would say that GiGi (for great-grandma) was filling Papa's bucket.
You can learn a lot from children if you really listen to them, either by talking directly to them or by overhearing their play. Ashanti came home from school one day and started talking about "buckets." She said that she had "filled her friend's bucket" at school that day. I asked her what she meant and this is what she told all of us at the dinner table, "Everyone has a bucket. When you do something nice or say something nice to another person, then you are 'filling' their bucket. When you do something mean or say something means, you are 'dipping' into their bucket, and taking something out of it. Wow. How simple and yet so profound. So Shanti began to ask each of us every day if we were filling or dipping into each other's bucket. It does give us cause to pause before we speak to each other. After all, who wants the reputation of a "bucket dipper?"
I was raised by saying, "please" and "thank you," and calling adults and my parents' friends by "Mr. or Mrs so-and-so," or responding with "Yes ma'am or No sir." These small yet very important types of etiquette are so essential when we deal with one another. They show respect for others, as well as for oneself. When my children's friends called on the phone for them, I always asked who it was if they didn't tell me first, and grilled them before I would let them talk to my kids. I think it's rude when you call someone's home and don't identify yourself first, and then ask to speak to so and so. My kids caught on fast and they warned their friends to do this when they called so they wouldn't get the first degree from me. I wasn't really mean - I just don't like when people, no matter who they are, call up and immediately ask for so and so. I always stop them and ask who they are first. I also taught my children that they should always have a firm handshake. I told Leah that if her boy friends shook my hand, they better have a strong handshake, so she probably warned them about that too. I just think that it shows part of a person's character if their handshake is limp and insincere. A firm handshake tells me that this person is focusing on the person whose hand they are shaking and is sincere. Petty? I think not. It's better than standing in the doorway with a shotgun waiting for the boys that would try to enter my house.
I did not like my son-in-law when I first met him. He had long braids and looked like a thug and he was in no way going to date my daughter. Of course, I had lost control over that by then and she dated him anyway. His saving grace at the time was his firm handshake. I thought - but didn't say out loud - "Hmmm. Maybe there's more to this guy than what it looks like on the outside...." I did put him through a lot of questioning and observation, but he passed with flying colors and it turns out that he is one of my favorite people in the world and I love him very much.
So please.... if you greet me, please don't give me a limp handshake. That actually creeps me out. Fill my bucket and I will fill yours with a firm handshake and love. The two go hand in hand. Better yet, give me a hug because we always need that. Everyone in the world needs and wants to feel loved, and what better way, than to give a sincere hug.
In fact, if I could, I would give you all a sincere hug right now. Nonetheless, I do so in the spirit of filling your bucket today. In Jesus' Name.
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