My parents were almost as devastated when Kita died, as I was. They fell in love with her as well - even my dad, which is rare for him. I know he cried when he took her to the vet to be cremated; he just won't show that in front of others. Death of any one or any thing is just a difficult emotion to deal with - even people with the hardest of hearts. And we each deal with it in our own particular ways.
I'm done crying now and it's time to move on. You must move on or you become stuck in time and that is never good. People who have never dealt with their past hurts, abuses or pain are still stuck in that period of time. I've learned that you have to "let go" of those things or you get stuck in a type of quicksand, which pulls you further down each day you re-live whatever it is that you are grieving. Grieving is all important when we lose something or someone or experience the pain we have suffered by the hands of someone or something else - but then we have to let it go, or it takes a hold of us and creates bitterness and resentment in our hearts. I know this because I've experienced it for myself.
Several years ago, I was in love with a man who also (or who I thought) loved me as well. We became best friends and planned on marrying and enjoyed each other's company. He made me laugh more than anyone I ever knew, and that's always been important to me. He was a kind, gentle soul, or so I thought, until one day he simply told me that he really didn't love me after all. It was so sudden and came out of nowhere that it all seemed like a dream as we sat and talked. But he was serious and told me that "I wasn't the marrying kind," which confused me even more. He was gentle as he was saying all this but all I could do was leave the restaurant and cry all the way home. I actually stopped the car at a street on the way home because I couldn't see, I was crying so hard. An officer knocked on my window and asked me if I was ok. I said I was, but I really wasn't. I was devastated and had never felt this way before. For months after that, I went through the motions of life but I wasn't living. Work was near impossible to get through each day, and unfortunately, my kids had to bear with me as I mourned this loss.
I pined away after this man for a few years following the breakup, because I felt that we were supposed to be together - until he decided to marry another. I was devastated once again and then I became very bitter and angry. I had such hate in my heart toward him and his new wife. They attended my church, so I had to see them every time I went. I had built a wall of bitterness and hatred around myself and I was so utterly unhappy that all I could do was think about them and their happiness. Until someone preached a message on bitterness and unforgiveness. It was then that I realized what I was doing to myself; no one was being hurt here except me.
I didn't want to feel this way any longer - I had wasted too many years on this and I was done. I gathered up all the dignity I could and went up to this man and asked if I could talk to him. I stood there crying and apologized to him and told him that I had been very angry and bitter towards him and I asked him to forgive me. He began to cry as well and apologized too and something broke that night. It was like a huge load was lifted off of me. I left that conversation feeling wonderfully free. I can't explain it - I just know how I felt that night. God healed my heart when I took the steps to make it right with this man. It doesn't even matter whose fault it is; like my mom always said, it takes the bigger person to apologize first.
That was a lesson I will never forget. Not that I've done that every time someone hurts me - I haven't. But eventually I get around to remembering my lesson and how it changed me and I try to make things right - even if I wasn't the one who was wrong. Nothing, absolutely nothing and no one is worth living a miserable life over. Forgiveness is a powerful thing. It melts the hardest heart and completely mends people who have been horribly hurt. Forgiveness does not say it was ok for that person to hurt me; but it does say that I refuse to hold bitterness in my heart toward them because I would be only further hurting myself.
So "moving on" means more to me, than perhaps others. Kita, I will miss you my funny, furry friend. Have fun runnin' with the big boys up in doggy heaven, and tell Ginger and Rocky that we miss them too....
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